The Possible Date Disorder

Well, since my earlier post on "The Broken Date Syndrome" was quite a hit, some people were wondering, "well geez yankee, you said one of MANY, keep on going I want to know more."
Surprisingly, though I addressed the post to the brothas (my homies), this request for more okie-doks are coming from the women. I do not know if they are trying to use this to rate themselves or to see whether or not I am just some fella thats just 'stuck on himself,' stuck up, or a woman-hater (which I am definitely NOT!)

So peoples, here is another okie-dok I do not put up with.

Okie-Dok #2: Man asks lady out on a date, and lady answers with "maybe."

So you ask a lady out on a date, you give her a date, a time, and location because:
1. She is fine as hell.
2. You want to spend a little time with her.
3. You want to get to know her a little better.

(now fellas, if you have other reasons, feel free to list them in your head, these are the yankee's top three, okay, well only three!)

These are the basic building blocks for a date. Call it whatever you want, or whatever is the most socially acceptable vernacular term for your ethnic group.

(i.e. some ethnic groups call it "hangin' out" or 'chillin')

So how does she respond? By saying a statement like the following:
"Can I get back to you?"
"Can I call you back tomorrow?"
"Can you call me back in a few days?"
"I need to check my calendar. I'll tell you what, I will call you back tomorrow and let you know."

and my personal favorite: "Call me on --such and such date--  so I don't forget."

There are other variants to the same response but I think you understand where I am going with this. So why is this an okie-dok?

This is an okie-dok because the lady could not give a straight answer, leaves the guy hanging, and expects him to wait on her decision. Unfortunately, many fellas do. Not me though...

Once again, the guy gave the lady three things:
- A day of the week.
- A time during that day of the week.
- A location.

Think of it how business executives look at making corporate decisions. If you are given all the information to make a sound, informed, and quick judgment call, you make the call! Usually the definitive choices are 'yes' and 'no,' and if you can not commit to the proposal, but can not walk away from it either, you compromise, counter-offer, renegotiate, and contribute to a win-win scenario.

Once person A makes the initial offer, and it is complete, person B needs to have a definitive answer.

But this is not what happens in this case. Again, the lady left the guy hanging, but wants to string him along for an emotional ride.

"I may or may not be able to do it, but let me get back to you and I'll let you know," and the fella plays the waiting game.

In the social dating world, this ailment is called the Possible Date Disorder, or PDD. Just like the Broken Date Syndrome, It is not cultural, racial, gender, creed, profession, or age specific! Symptoms include indecisiveness from one party to the other, false hope, and fluctuating emotions.

So I know a lot of guys say, "Well maybe yea Yankee, she might have forgot, people are busy you know, I would have called her to see what happened."

To the fellas (and my male friends), I say, go ahead, I will not (I was not raised to do that), but you do that. And while you are doing that, here are some possible end-case scenarios for you to consider...

Possible end scenario 1: Man accepts possible-date, waits for call, never gets call, man calls woman to see what happened.
-- You are one desperate person if you call her at all after you offered to take her out on a date and she played you like that. Do not settle for someone that can not work with you, or give you a definitive answer.

Possible end scenario 2: Man accepts possible-date, gets call back tomorrow, but she can not go and turns you down.
-- This means that she wants YOU to wait on her to tell you No. By falling for this trap, she made you wait to get rejected.

Possible end scenario 3: Man accepts possible-date, guy calls girl on day of date, and can not get a hold of her.
-- Hmm, can not get a hold of the lady you are trying to take out... So you end up calling and calling and calling, and no answer. This can happen fellas, and to some of my friends, it has happened. She basically forgot about you, and you are dateless, once again.

Possible end scenario 4: Man accepts possible-date, guy calls girl on day of date, and she says that she 'forgot.'
--This basically means you were not worth remembering, and she most likely have made other plans with someone else, see scenario 3.

There are other end scenario's with the vast majority of them not in the guy's favor. It is extremely rare to have a successful date if she does not give you a yes or no answer or does not try to reach some sort of compromise (will talk about this at another time). So what is this relocated yankee's stance on the 'possible-date':

When this Yankee offers a date, and the lady in question responds with a 'maybe,' answer, it is translated as a 'no,' PERIOD.

When I offer to take a woman out on a date, and she answers with "maybe," I let her take all the time she needs. By the time she calls me back, if she ever calls me back, I would have made other plans (do not test me on this). If you fall for that okie-dok, you are purposely waiting on her. You are putting a lot up-front without any guarantee of a return, by blocking that time out just for her (she did not do the same for you) with the hope that she will call you back to accept. Most of the time it does not happen. Never put all your dating eggs in one basket. If she gives you the okie-dok, find another woman that will say yes (or no), or make plans with your homies, or do something yourself, either way, you stay busy. 

Now I know you would rather spend your time with the maybe girl (because she is hotter than the barrel of Dick Cheney's gun), but you maybe want to consider the fact that waiting on indecisive women and reacting to their indecisiveness (by following up on them, checking up, calling to see what happened etc...), says a lot about YOU in a negative way. It shows a lack of confidence on the guy's part, and a lack of self control. 

A decisive man will always be better off with a decisive woman, case closed. So if you are a decisive man, and you meet an indecisive woman, you now know that she needs to do a little more growing up, but it is something she has to do on her own. 

The chances the 'maybe' girl's number is still in my phonebook is basically zero. 

So why is this my stance? Because it does not allow me to get hurt, and I refuse to be hurt by some woman I just met. It also allows me to be fair to other women with potential by offering them a date instead. Indecisive Ladies: if you see a good thing in front of you and you pass up the opportunity to get to know a great guy, the decisive ladies will be more than happy to take that opportunity away from you! 

If I have to choose between a woman that can not make up her mind versus a woman that can, there is no choice! 

Also take this statement to heart: I have more respect for women that turn me down with a 'no' than those who respond with a 'maybe.' 

Most likely I will not keep that woman's number either but at least I will still respect her.

Time is precious, and a woman who has respect for a man's time will not keep him hanging. Classy women keep dates, or work with the man to make a date a reality, or tell him 'no' but she will never give him an ambiguous answer. 

She will tell him yes, no, or 'yes, but at another time, place, and location.'

Now, that third option represents the building blocks for a (true) compromise. I will write more about social dating compromises another time, but the okie-dok in this case was conveyed well enough.

Choir Pracice time!