Happy St. Valentines Day!

Hello!

Happy St. Valentines Day.... to YOU!!!

This year, the Yankee does not have a valentine to call his own. I know, sad right? But did that stop me from spending the money I would have spent on a lucky lady on me? Nope! This yankee, treated himself to:

a manicure/pedicure - Yes I (regularly) get them and you can thank a NSBE Men's Workshop back in the day for pushing me over the edge on this one. Plus I want to test out the theory that women love men with crusty toes, heels, and crackled hands. First I will start and see how women react to the fact that I get these just to show them that I not only take care of myself, that it is the least I could do since all you ladies get your hair done, lip gloss poppin, make up, etc..., just to look attractive to the fellas. Then I will stop getting them and see how many more women are attracted to my weathered extremities.

a deep tissue massage - After doing all this weight training, the masseuse tried to murder me! okay, my shoulder muscles were really tight and knotted! but that massage was one for the ages! 

a haircut - gotta get the fresh going!

a little clothes shopping! - Well, I have to get new stuff since half of my old clothes no longer fit me!

dinner! - I even took myself out to dinner.

dancing! - Thats later on tonight!

Now, did I honestly want to be alone on V-Day? Of course not! This is the first time in a very long time, I did not have a valentine. Recession or not, I would not mind treating someone who deserves it out to what I treated myself to. Of course, the key phrase here is 'someone who deserves it.' Not some gilsy who does not know how to treat a man, but a classy lady who knows how to handle herself and treat me right. My are they hard to find in the Containment Area. 

Then again, I can boldly say that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of the needle than a woman out here to treat this man with the respect he has earned! I think I got that camel, eye of the needle, thing from a book somewhere.... I just can not remember where I read that! LOLOLOLOL ;-)

Later on, I went to church and spent time with one of the elders (a choir elder), getting to know her, and telling her about some of the things that I have been noticing and going through since coming here. As we talked and talked I helped her set some tables and whatever else she needed. I told this lady that 'I love chasing women... BUT I can only go so far.' That is a true statement. As a man, it is my role to come after you, but there are limits to the pursuit. I have limits not because I do not like you; of course I like you, otherwise I would not chase you, but you people (women) do things to let me know that you are not interested. So why would I continue to chase you further, make an idiot out of myself, and give you ammunition for gossip among you and your 'friends?' 

That makes absolutely no sense to me. I will give you an example (this is what I told the elder). Let us say I meet a woman, and I work my charm (lol, charm), and we exchange numbers. A few days later, I call and I get the voicemail. That sucks, but I guess hearing that voice is better than no voice. So what do I do? Because I do not know you, and we made a nice connection (trust me, if we did not hit it off, I would not be calling you!), I want to keep that momentum going... So I ask you out (a fun date), because I want to spend time with you. 

Why? I know nothing about you, and I am a curious person. I strive to not judge anyone I date. I know what it is like to be condemned from the very beginning (i.e. a woman told me that she would 'treat me like (such and such)' because all these other guys did x-y-z to her and it was most likely that I would do the same) 

You could be the greatest woman to have ever walked into my life, or you could be the next sex-starved convict waiting to make 'unwanted sexual advances' towards me ;-) Either way, your actions (or inactions) dictates my responses.

Lets sidebar for a second since I am an Engineer:

***Start of sidebar***

24 hrs = 1 day 
2 hrs = 8.33% of your 24 hour day

24 * 7 = 168 = hours in a week.
2 hrs = 1.19% of your week (less than 2% of your week)

***End of sidebar***

And after I chase you (once), call you (once), leave a message (once)....... drumroll please......

Nothing happens!

No call back...

Not even a text message (as shallow as txt messaging is when someone CALLED you)...

Nothing.

This is an okie-dok, and I will address it in further detail in my next Social Dating Note (because I know you love em!), but if there was no response, no matter how which way you want to slice this (and I love it when people make all the excuses in the world, but the bottom line is what I am about to say next): 

I was not worth a 30 second call from the lady to tell me, yes or no, period. To me, you were worth me making an honest attempt of trying to get to know you, by calling you and trying to spend time with you.

So not only was I not worth a 30 second call back to tell me yes or no. To this person, I was also not worth:

2 hours (8.33% of one of her 'days') or (it gets even better)

2 hours (1.19% of her 'week.')

Math is so powerful! I was not even worth less than 2% of her time. 

You are essentially telling this brotha who has all the tools to make a great life for himself (education, religious foundation, home training, career oriented, successful, pays his own bills, etc.. etc...) who would love to celebrate his success with you, that I was not worth 30 seconds out of your time to tell me yes or no.

***Sidebar 2
As an exercise calculate the percentage 30 seconds constitutes to your day, and repeat for a week. You will find that-that number is very small.
Your final answer should be in the following form: 30 s = (some percent) of 1 day or (another percent) of 1 week.
They should be VERY small percents!
***End of Sidebar 2

Guess what ELSE-YOU are essentially telling this brotha: I am not worth spending less than 2% of your time out of your week with. To the players of the world, they will keep trying, they will pursue, pursue, and pursue further thinking you are playing hard-to-get when essentially slapped them in the face (and you do this to the good ones too that are not trying to play you).

To me, that was a slap in the face, and I do not like getting hit! So Guess what? If I was not even worth a response, or 2 hours of your 168 hour week at that point in time, what makes ME think that I will be worth 4 hours? 8 hours, 1 week (that is a vacation we could take together), 1 year (that is a relationship), 20, 30, 40 years (in a marriage) in YOUR world, in the future?

I told the elder that when women do not respond, that it is worse than a 'no,' and at that point, there is not much I can do! The chase is over, why beat a dead horse? She did not want to spend time with me, and I am not going to torture myself and try to ask her out again! Yes I want a meaningful relationship with a quality woman, but not at the cost of losing my hard-earned dignity in my sea of humility. The only thing left for me to do at that point is to delete the phone number, and move on.

I hope this answers any questions regarding if I am a 'player' or not.

I told her that I would rather get hurt by a thousand women once, than get hurt by one woman twice. As I was walking her to her car and opening her door, she looked at me, smiled, and said, "They do not make young adults like they used to. You are very well grounded for your age. How old are your parents?" When I told her that they were both born before the 1950's, she said "That explains everything, how you were raised, how you treat people, and how you expect to be treated back." She also told me to not give up, and that someone 'of worth' will see 'my worth.'

I concur! Happy St. Valentines Day, Elder!

End of the week!

It is the end of the week! el YAY!!! And a very boring one at that! Duke losing did not make my week much better, but oh well. $!@$#@#@ happens! I spent more time with my niece... That is always refreshing! and now I am sleepy. So good night!

Another Boring Thursday

Yea, I was pretty bummed out that Duke lost. Oh well, better luck at Chapel Hill! Anyways, today was another long day at work. Followed by more tutoring and choir practice. Pretty boring. Well see what happens Friday!

Duke-Carolina!

Well it is no secret that I am rooting for Duke in the Duke-UNC game. Go Blue Devils!!!

Test

Test

More Tutoring!

So now, I am getting more and more tutoring requests. I am now up to three clients. This is so cool! It is great to have other things to do besides work and working out (since dating has stalled)! but I have a feeling that will change soon. My second client is so impressed, that we have established a standard weekly rotation every week for one hour. I remember how hard it was back then. I remember the frustration, and when I saw one of my pupils struggling, I did not do what others have done to me and make them feel stupid. I keep engaging and encouraging him/her to keep trying. I asked questions as they were going through the problems so they can establish their way of thinking. I let them know that it is okay to be wrong, and show them the correct way to solve problems. 

After tutoring, I phoned into the weekly prayer group session.... Well, for as long as I could. I was impressed with my phone tonight, I almost made it to the house before it died (not bad for 10% battery life left using the wireless radio to the MAX!). I like these sessions because I learn a lot and it strengthens my faith. I am very tired, I need rest!

Church just keeps getting

Better and Better!

I am beginning to hear the word of God more and more clearly in my life. Being active in the choir allows me to explore a ministry of church that I have never explored before. Our pastor has a way of explaining our readings in the historical and modern sense. I think it is very important to know what the mentality of the readings were back then, and once you connect the bridge of the past to the present day, it makes the message even more clear and more sensible. Some sermons, homilies, whatever you wish to call them, can be very dry. Some can be even technical, but when you throw the human element into it, the present day story of society, and how you can connect what is going on to what the 12 disciples and Jesus encountered, it makes it very easy to see, hear, and experience God's message. 

That and singing Lift Every Voice and Sing at the end of our gathering now has new meaning not only to me, but to many people. :-D

Double Duty Part 2

Well, I was supposed to write 2 entries on Saturday, but I did not get the chance to since I was running around getting ready for this Med School Prom thing. So I guess I will write two entries today! One for yesterday, and one for today! YaY!

So I have a friend from church who invited me to come along with her and her friends to some event called a Medical School Prom. Some kind of formal, similar to the formal parties (lol, formal, more like house!) that E-Council officially/unofficially promoted during the OSU years, or like the Viterbi Ball during the Southern Cal years. A once-a-year event where people got together, partied, drink, etc... So I meet up with her friends, and go out to eat dinner, and then went to another house before going to the prom. She then introduced me to some of the coolest caucasian ladies I have ever met in a very-very long time. I am giving them all shout outs (and I hope my friend from church lets them know of this entry) because they were:

- Mad cool!

- Easygoing

- Great to talk to

- Did not give me any negative vibes

- Did not make me feel like they thought I was 'nothing' to them since I was not a med school student (unfortunately, I have encountered that, but not from them).

Oh and get this... During The Prom... They.... Even.... DANCED WITH ME!

One of them even told me about "Chapel Hill Women." And explained to me how there is some ratio imbalance of men-to-women, and how the men, as this one lady explained, treated the women, "like dicks." I am not sure if it applied to her ethnic group or women in general, but if that is true, it could explain some (not all) of the classless behavior I have been encountering since setting foot in this area months ago. Especially from those who went to school in this area. 

My personal view on the matter is this: Though you were mistreated, it is still no excuse for how you behave towards the new people you meet in your life. Do not penalize me for the actions of others. They are not the sole representatives of the gender. 

Lord help me, if I ever adopt that type of mentality. 

The person who told me about "Chapel Hill Women" was one of the mad-cool white girls that I met that night. She even told me what kind of doctors I need to start seeing now that I am in the real world and living my life. 

When all of us went to the prom, we had fun. We all drank and danced. And when I danced with one of them, she held her own, and she was not afraid to dance with this yankee! Thats what I am talking about! Talk, chat, drink, dance, have fun, make no conclusions about the other person, learn something new. I hope all of us get a chance to hang out again.

Sistas at the Med School Prom on the other hand... D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-T Story... 

With the exception of the sistas that came from our group, and another sista that I knew from a friend of mine years ago... The phrase "You cant even touch them with a 10 foot pole" now has new meaning. I tried to talk to a couple of them, and they were not even interested in meeting me. It was sad. I even tried to dance with two of them and they were not having it. It was not like I was trying to my grind on... I even politely explained to one who was supposedly out on a date that one dance is not going to change the fact that she will not go home with her date at the end of the night. She was very attractive, at first. Not anymore, to me. No real explanation as to why, but even when I tried to strike conversation, they were looking away, distracted, not smiling, I mean, goodness. Not looking good!

I am also beginning to notice a very alarming ethnic role-reversal. Let me explain. It is no surprise that the Yankee is multi-ethnic. I would like to think that I have the best of all worlds ;-). Anyways. Socially speaking, growing up... 

The sistas were VERY kind to me. They kept me going. They motivated me. They saw the spark in me. Hey, I was very smart for my age (started school early!), and going though school, they saw that. They respected me. My first kiss was from a sista. All of my relationships so far, have been with sistas.

White and Asian girls back then... Not so nice. They talked about me, they cracked on my sisters, out of jealousy. They have systematically 'done things' to make me feel excluded. They have done the same to my sisters out of jealous hatred. And they were not afraid to attempt to let their white and asian boys at the time, try to show me 'how the world works.' 

Lets just say that I have never lost a fight to ANY of them! And I will leave it at that.

Fast forward to the social scene, present day.

White and Asian ladies now... My how it is way easier to talk to these groups. Now they are the ones showing me a lot of love! When I talk to them, they engage me. They are showing their down-to-earthness. They laugh with me, they drink with me, they have fun with me, and they even dance with me. They are showing me a newfound respect that I have never seen before, not even in childhood. I do not know the source of their newfound attraction towards me, but I know that I respected them back when they hated me, and I respect them now. 

Just because the white and asian girls back then treated me like a second-class citizen does not reflect or represent the entire group. And I am not going to penalize future white/asian women who come into my life because of the dumb actions of a pathetic few.

Sistas now (Containment area, and general area)... Not So Nice. Again, socially speaking, of course. The ones I have encountered have already made up their minds about me. It looks as if I keep meeting the wrong ones. So far, either they have given me their (wrong) number, stood me up on dates, broken dates (which I do not tolerate), do not want to dance or drink with me, never respond to a voicemail (after a failed attempt to call to talk to them), the list of charges goes on. 

This was unheard of in Los Angeles, and Columbus! As materialistic as Hollywood may seem and as Midwest as Columbus could be, the sistas there knew what they had and though some of them disrespected me, it was not as many and it was not to the extent of the classlessness I have encountered from the sistas in this area. 

Just because I am running into the wrong ones now, does not mean I am going to penalize the next sista I meet and welcome into my life. She has done nothing to deserve anything less than my personal best. And I remember how sistas treated me growing up. It goes a long way in this yankee's life! 

It would be a sad day in the development of this human being when I begin to penalize the women I meet because of a pathetic few. I refuse to believe that the way mom and dad brought me up no longer applies to this world. I must stick to these ideals. They make me who I am. It forges my actions, and reflects my character.

I just wish the right ones see that. 

These are the words of an educated yankee!