Guess who's back?
After a long hiatus?
After closing on a home, moving, relocating, moving some more, and relocating more?
After getting all the finances straight and transferred and accounts setup for the new home?
After leaving one part of the Containment Area.... to live in another part of the Containment Area?
You guessed it! I AM BACK PEOPLES!!!
So I just finished the moving in process and getting things switched over to the new address. I had no idea how much work that really was. Obviously some things had to be sacrificed temporarily... And after a long and lengthy debate, it was decided that blogging was the sacrifice I should make to accomplish everything I need to get done.
Right decision!
There were so many nights during the move that I was so tired, I just laid my head down and that did me in! Plus I moved all by myself, packing the car and making multiple trips when I could during work weeks. Got a little help from work colleagues when it came to getting rid of my couch. I did not stop exercising (thank God) during that whole time... Yea, I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness... I heard that in a song somewhere, hehe.
But no worries. I am BACK! These are exciting times and so much has happened despite the move -- in religious development, social development, and of course, my physical AND mental development.
Right now I am up bright and early because my nieces are graduating from school today. So I need to hit the gym early, and then go to their graduation. Great times to be an uncle I guess, hehe.
Dating season is around the corner and I am going to see what the pool is looking like this time around. Last year sucked but the grass is always greener (smirks... I mean smiles).
This is going to be one helluva summer! One HELLUVA dating season!
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
The Lenten Saga: Day 17
Well, I know I am still going through my Lenten Journey, but I also said last week that I will write another social dating okie-dok note, and here it is!!!
So from the Yankee that brought you "The Broken Date Syndrome" and "The Possible Date Disorder" here is another okie-dok that I do not put up with.
Okie-Dok #3: Lady keeps mementos (pictures etc...) of past loves in her home while dating men.
So I recently told a friend of mine a story about one of the women I dated . I told him how we hit it off, exchanged numbers, and for the first couple of dates, I would go and pick her up, but I would never go into her residence when I walked her to her door. You know, being the true gentleman that I am. We were progressing. We had already held hands, shared a kiss, you know how I do! You will be surprised how far a little charisma and youthful and gentleman-like qualities will take you with a woman. And fellas, she was no duck! And fellas that know me, have you ever seen me with anyone that quacks? (LOLOLOL). Anyways, about one week after our last date, right when I was about to call her (to ask her out on another date) she calls me and invites me over for dinner, sweet talking me and saying things like "You deserve this, because you've been so good to me," and "I'm glad men like you still exist," "You are worth it," Bla bla bla bla bla...
Hey, I was not going to complain, it was almost as if she read my mind and beat me to the punch. To make it even scarier, the day and time of this dinner was the exact day and time I was going to ask her had I asked her out on the next date! A woman making dinner for me! This was before Obama's "Change you can believe in!" I was liking this... And everything was good.... Right up to the point when for the first time, I entered her residence... for the last time.
I saw one of those wall frames that got like 10-20 different slots for different photos and I saw quite a few guys, and pictures of her hugged up on some of them. This is how the conversation went:
Yankee (me): "Wow! You told me that you had a huge family... Are all of these your brothers and nephews? I am assuming those are your parents, and that is probably your sister..."
Woman (her): "Yea, thats my mom and dad, and thats my sister, but those aren't my brothers, those are some of my ex's that I keep in contact with."
Yankee (me): "You still keep in contact with your ex's?"
Woman (her): "Yea, this one called me a couple of days ago all drunk and !@#@! He wants to see me this weekend. I told him I'll go. I aint seen him in awhile."
DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Thats WTF spelled out just in case you were getting confused)
It was bad enough that she had her ex's on the wall, but the fact that she was receiving drunk calls from her ex's was more than I was willing to put up with. Now I have my own view on the drunk call, but this note is about past loves, and she basically gave me a double whammy!
Now, my (male) friends and I had a HEATED discussion about women and their past-love mementos. Of course this conversation took place years after this dating encounter (circa near present day!). One of my boys was pissed that his girlfriend kept pictures of some of her ex's all out and about her apartment, and they have been exclusive for about a year. From the exchange from this brotha to the group, he relayed to us that she was telling him that there was no effing reason for him to be all jealous like that and to be a man and grow up because "you need to get off that petty !@$!@." He told us he then apologized to his woman, and promised to never bring it up again, but he was still very bothered by the situation. So when he told us this, I asked another brotha what he thought and he told me that there really shouldn't be a reason to keep pictures like that around. All the other brothas were shaking their head... at the man who apologized, they thought he took the @#$#@ way out. In my view, I think he did too.
So why are the pictures of past loves and mementos an okie-dok?
It is an okie-dok because the woman is trying to convince the man that she living in the present with evidence of the contrary. In other words, she is still stuck in the past.
Some people find it hard to let go of great times and great memories with people they gave their hearts to. But whether you were the dumper or the dumped part of you feels damaged. So to move on, you think about all the great times you had with the people you are no longer seeing. The way they look, their smile... Let the right Luther Vandross song come on while you are looking at your last ex from a box of memories, and you will be in tears. But then, after several months, you start going out again, but you did not get rid of the pictures. Then you meet a guy that you really like, and after you two go out, quite a few times it gets serious to the point where you start inviting him over to your place. Sometimes you try to be smart and you hide the photos, you put them in a box, or you still keep one by your bedside, in the room where your new love is forbidden to go. Or you have the type of mentality that you are not going to make changes to your home layout and if some guy you are dating thinks that having pictures of your ex's around the place is weird, you are ready to fire your shots!
In the Social Dating world, this ailment is called the Ex-Defect. Just like the Broken Date Syndrome, and the Possible Date Disorder, it is not cultural, racial, gender, creed, profession, or age specific! Symptoms include a spirit and body in the present, with a mind trapped in the social-dating mental ecstasy that is the past. Symptoms also include increased aggression against men who found the balls to confront you on the ailments aided to keep you Ex-Defective (pictures mostly, but pictures and mementos of your past loves) who are trying to cure you!
Yea, you people (men and women) did not know that was a disease huh?
So what is this Relocated Yankee's stance on the Ex-Defect?
When it has been established that the woman I am dating has not / can not / will not let go of her past for our present, we have no future together. She is no longer in my life, and I will not look back!
This is a very aggressive stance. Would you fellas like to know why I am able to sleep so GREAT at night? Because lets admit it men, women dominate our minds, especially the ones that do not know what they want, you know, the ones where the light bulb has not gone off yet in their head to get it together, so they end up messing with your emotions? you know? the ones that love to play games and we let them because WE want them so badly!!! They love speaking in tongues and I do not mean French kissing or being caught up with the Holy Ghost at church!
So when you bring up the issue of past loves (only when YOU have visual confirmation of the proof, DO NOT ASK BEFOREHAND), a majority of the time, I have found that the conversation somehow gets flipped (the longer you engage the woman on this) so that you feel bad. YOU end up feeling bad because she convinced you that YOU were showing signs of jealousy... When in fact you had every right to be concerned. You have every right to be concerned because you are trying to be a contender for her present (and possibly future). You two can not exist in two different time periods! There is no way!
Fella, at what price are you willing to pay for a woman that does nothing but play you (and having photos/mementos of past loves while being with you, whether you are casually or exclusively dating, is a definite indicator that YOU are being played)? Is there a woman out there worth YOU losing your own self respect and dignity? Good luck selling that pitch to me!
Anyways to answer the question about why I sleep great at night... I sleep GREAT at night, because I do not allow the things women do, 99% of the time intentionally, to consume my mind... Thus she does not dominate my mind! Because I am able to identify their issues EARLY, drop them, and move on. I drop them because they have issues that THEY need to resolve, for themselves. I can not help her, and she should have all of that resolved before she gave me her number!
Look, I desire great relationships, with great women. Keywords: GREAT RELATIONSHIPS, GREAT WOMEN. The women I want, lives in the present, and the woman that chooses me knows that she will not have to deal with any baggage from my end coming into a relationship... Can that woman make the same guarantee if she is clinging on physical evidence of old memories from a relationship gone wrong?
I make it so simple to the women here (in the area) people are shocked (and some of my close friends are) at the fact that I have not been clubbed over the head and drug back to THEIR house! LOL!
Here is why: Whatever great memories I had with my ex's died the day we broke up. There is no evidence of their existence in my home or in my life. The photos and cards were burned, the gifts were destroyed, their numbers deleted! I think of what they did (via breakup) as paving the way for someone better to come into your life. Besides, they made the decision to become a part of my past, and I have made the decision to keep them there. And when I meet that new love, she can focus on complimenting me in her own special way, and not have to feel like she is doing any kind of damage control... AND she can sleep very easily at night knowing that she will not be compared because there is nothing/no other female from my she can be compared to!
Why? (Caution, you are about to read an ENGINEER's answer)
Because I make the best attempt to remove all possible margins for error (comparison)!
In the post-girlfriend time frame, when I date a woman, I do it with class! The last thing I want to do (fellas, this should also be the last thing you want to do too) is make the woman that chooses to date me feel like she is competing with my past. How can you put that woman first if she ever feels like she is competing with past loves? I put all of that to rest because I have no reminders of that past in my present.
Why?
Because I desire new memories!
Why?
Because I want better memories!
Why?
Because I deserve better and I must give the woman who chooses to date me (because I am a firm believer that although men do the picking, women do the choosing) every opportunity within my boundaries to make her shine in that memories category!
Question! Can that woman make the same guarantee with a photo of her ex lover at her bedside? or with a box full of pictures buried in the depths of her closet?
Fellas, when you are dating a woman, and you find out about these "past-ex" mementos, how much (of a 1-sided) sacrifice (in dignity and self-respect) are YOU willing to make to find out the answer to the above statement and question for yourself?
Here is how the rest of the conversation went after she said that she was going to see this ex.
Yankee (Me): You know, its funny, I dated someone just like you once, who had a shrine just like this (points to wall of photos). 'Imma' save you some time.
Now, the above saying is true, but that is a whole different story. I gained a lot of wisdom from another failed dating experience where I was not quick enough to identify the okie-dok right in front of me, and this woman and I went back and forth, back and forth on the issue, and it ended with me walking out angry, pissed off, upset, and complaining to some of my male friends who at the time did not have any real advice to give me. I even lost a lot of sleep... I was a wreck... but my how I have evolved! This experience shaped (along with dad's advice that day, as well as 'Majors') my official dating philosophy position on women who can not let go. And when the situation happened again, I saved myself a lot of drama. After all, until she says "I do" I must always safeguard myself first. Yea, I remember this like it was yesterday, and I even wrote it how I said it, 'Engrish' and all, LOL!
Either way, these are NOT the words of a 'playa,' but of a Yankee, Relocated!
So from the Yankee that brought you "The Broken Date Syndrome" and "The Possible Date Disorder" here is another okie-dok that I do not put up with.
Okie-Dok #3: Lady keeps mementos (pictures etc...) of past loves in her home while dating men.
So I recently told a friend of mine a story about one of the women I dated . I told him how we hit it off, exchanged numbers, and for the first couple of dates, I would go and pick her up, but I would never go into her residence when I walked her to her door. You know, being the true gentleman that I am. We were progressing. We had already held hands, shared a kiss, you know how I do! You will be surprised how far a little charisma and youthful and gentleman-like qualities will take you with a woman. And fellas, she was no duck! And fellas that know me, have you ever seen me with anyone that quacks? (LOLOLOL). Anyways, about one week after our last date, right when I was about to call her (to ask her out on another date) she calls me and invites me over for dinner, sweet talking me and saying things like "You deserve this, because you've been so good to me," and "I'm glad men like you still exist," "You are worth it," Bla bla bla bla bla...
Hey, I was not going to complain, it was almost as if she read my mind and beat me to the punch. To make it even scarier, the day and time of this dinner was the exact day and time I was going to ask her had I asked her out on the next date! A woman making dinner for me! This was before Obama's "Change you can believe in!" I was liking this... And everything was good.... Right up to the point when for the first time, I entered her residence... for the last time.
I saw one of those wall frames that got like 10-20 different slots for different photos and I saw quite a few guys, and pictures of her hugged up on some of them. This is how the conversation went:
Yankee (me): "Wow! You told me that you had a huge family... Are all of these your brothers and nephews? I am assuming those are your parents, and that is probably your sister..."
Woman (her): "Yea, thats my mom and dad, and thats my sister, but those aren't my brothers, those are some of my ex's that I keep in contact with."
Yankee (me): "You still keep in contact with your ex's?"
Woman (her): "Yea, this one called me a couple of days ago all drunk and !@#@! He wants to see me this weekend. I told him I'll go. I aint seen him in awhile."
DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Thats WTF spelled out just in case you were getting confused)
It was bad enough that she had her ex's on the wall, but the fact that she was receiving drunk calls from her ex's was more than I was willing to put up with. Now I have my own view on the drunk call, but this note is about past loves, and she basically gave me a double whammy!
Now, my (male) friends and I had a HEATED discussion about women and their past-love mementos. Of course this conversation took place years after this dating encounter (circa near present day!). One of my boys was pissed that his girlfriend kept pictures of some of her ex's all out and about her apartment, and they have been exclusive for about a year. From the exchange from this brotha to the group, he relayed to us that she was telling him that there was no effing reason for him to be all jealous like that and to be a man and grow up because "you need to get off that petty !@$!@." He told us he then apologized to his woman, and promised to never bring it up again, but he was still very bothered by the situation. So when he told us this, I asked another brotha what he thought and he told me that there really shouldn't be a reason to keep pictures like that around. All the other brothas were shaking their head... at the man who apologized, they thought he took the @#$#@ way out. In my view, I think he did too.
So why are the pictures of past loves and mementos an okie-dok?
It is an okie-dok because the woman is trying to convince the man that she living in the present with evidence of the contrary. In other words, she is still stuck in the past.
Some people find it hard to let go of great times and great memories with people they gave their hearts to. But whether you were the dumper or the dumped part of you feels damaged. So to move on, you think about all the great times you had with the people you are no longer seeing. The way they look, their smile... Let the right Luther Vandross song come on while you are looking at your last ex from a box of memories, and you will be in tears. But then, after several months, you start going out again, but you did not get rid of the pictures. Then you meet a guy that you really like, and after you two go out, quite a few times it gets serious to the point where you start inviting him over to your place. Sometimes you try to be smart and you hide the photos, you put them in a box, or you still keep one by your bedside, in the room where your new love is forbidden to go. Or you have the type of mentality that you are not going to make changes to your home layout and if some guy you are dating thinks that having pictures of your ex's around the place is weird, you are ready to fire your shots!
In the Social Dating world, this ailment is called the Ex-Defect. Just like the Broken Date Syndrome, and the Possible Date Disorder, it is not cultural, racial, gender, creed, profession, or age specific! Symptoms include a spirit and body in the present, with a mind trapped in the social-dating mental ecstasy that is the past. Symptoms also include increased aggression against men who found the balls to confront you on the ailments aided to keep you Ex-Defective (pictures mostly, but pictures and mementos of your past loves) who are trying to cure you!
Yea, you people (men and women) did not know that was a disease huh?
So what is this Relocated Yankee's stance on the Ex-Defect?
When it has been established that the woman I am dating has not / can not / will not let go of her past for our present, we have no future together. She is no longer in my life, and I will not look back!
This is a very aggressive stance. Would you fellas like to know why I am able to sleep so GREAT at night? Because lets admit it men, women dominate our minds, especially the ones that do not know what they want, you know, the ones where the light bulb has not gone off yet in their head to get it together, so they end up messing with your emotions? you know? the ones that love to play games and we let them because WE want them so badly!!! They love speaking in tongues and I do not mean French kissing or being caught up with the Holy Ghost at church!
So when you bring up the issue of past loves (only when YOU have visual confirmation of the proof, DO NOT ASK BEFOREHAND), a majority of the time, I have found that the conversation somehow gets flipped (the longer you engage the woman on this) so that you feel bad. YOU end up feeling bad because she convinced you that YOU were showing signs of jealousy... When in fact you had every right to be concerned. You have every right to be concerned because you are trying to be a contender for her present (and possibly future). You two can not exist in two different time periods! There is no way!
Fella, at what price are you willing to pay for a woman that does nothing but play you (and having photos/mementos of past loves while being with you, whether you are casually or exclusively dating, is a definite indicator that YOU are being played)? Is there a woman out there worth YOU losing your own self respect and dignity? Good luck selling that pitch to me!
Anyways to answer the question about why I sleep great at night... I sleep GREAT at night, because I do not allow the things women do, 99% of the time intentionally, to consume my mind... Thus she does not dominate my mind! Because I am able to identify their issues EARLY, drop them, and move on. I drop them because they have issues that THEY need to resolve, for themselves. I can not help her, and she should have all of that resolved before she gave me her number!
Look, I desire great relationships, with great women. Keywords: GREAT RELATIONSHIPS, GREAT WOMEN. The women I want, lives in the present, and the woman that chooses me knows that she will not have to deal with any baggage from my end coming into a relationship... Can that woman make the same guarantee if she is clinging on physical evidence of old memories from a relationship gone wrong?
I make it so simple to the women here (in the area) people are shocked (and some of my close friends are) at the fact that I have not been clubbed over the head and drug back to THEIR house! LOL!
Here is why: Whatever great memories I had with my ex's died the day we broke up. There is no evidence of their existence in my home or in my life. The photos and cards were burned, the gifts were destroyed, their numbers deleted! I think of what they did (via breakup) as paving the way for someone better to come into your life. Besides, they made the decision to become a part of my past, and I have made the decision to keep them there. And when I meet that new love, she can focus on complimenting me in her own special way, and not have to feel like she is doing any kind of damage control... AND she can sleep very easily at night knowing that she will not be compared because there is nothing/no other female from my she can be compared to!
Why? (Caution, you are about to read an ENGINEER's answer)
Because I make the best attempt to remove all possible margins for error (comparison)!
In the post-girlfriend time frame, when I date a woman, I do it with class! The last thing I want to do (fellas, this should also be the last thing you want to do too) is make the woman that chooses to date me feel like she is competing with my past. How can you put that woman first if she ever feels like she is competing with past loves? I put all of that to rest because I have no reminders of that past in my present.
Why?
Because I desire new memories!
Why?
Because I want better memories!
Why?
Because I deserve better and I must give the woman who chooses to date me (because I am a firm believer that although men do the picking, women do the choosing) every opportunity within my boundaries to make her shine in that memories category!
Question! Can that woman make the same guarantee with a photo of her ex lover at her bedside? or with a box full of pictures buried in the depths of her closet?
Fellas, when you are dating a woman, and you find out about these "past-ex" mementos, how much (of a 1-sided) sacrifice (in dignity and self-respect) are YOU willing to make to find out the answer to the above statement and question for yourself?
Here is how the rest of the conversation went after she said that she was going to see this ex.
Yankee (Me): You know, its funny, I dated someone just like you once, who had a shrine just like this (points to wall of photos). 'Imma' save you some time.
Now, the above saying is true, but that is a whole different story. I gained a lot of wisdom from another failed dating experience where I was not quick enough to identify the okie-dok right in front of me, and this woman and I went back and forth, back and forth on the issue, and it ended with me walking out angry, pissed off, upset, and complaining to some of my male friends who at the time did not have any real advice to give me. I even lost a lot of sleep... I was a wreck... but my how I have evolved! This experience shaped (along with dad's advice that day, as well as 'Majors') my official dating philosophy position on women who can not let go. And when the situation happened again, I saved myself a lot of drama. After all, until she says "I do" I must always safeguard myself first. Yea, I remember this like it was yesterday, and I even wrote it how I said it, 'Engrish' and all, LOL!
Either way, these are NOT the words of a 'playa,' but of a Yankee, Relocated!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Lenten Saga: Day 8
You know what I have not written in awhile? A Social Dating Okie-Dok note! I guess that is because a lot of stuff is going on in my world, both inside and outside of work. Did not read Job 3 yet for the Caterpillar challenge. And since we did not meet last Saturday, the Engineer in me is saying "Hmm... If we were to discuss chapters 1 and 2 last saturday, and we need to do 1 chapter a week, what should the yankee be prepared to share with the group this week (to stay up to speed with the Caterpillar Challenge)?" My logic is flawless (damn I am good)!!! So Why am I slacking!?! I have no clue. Oh yea, I need to tell the choir peoples that I will be taking their pictures Sunday... I suppose I can do that at practice tomorrow, and I need to see if the nieces want to join me at church.
I wanted my next social dating okie-dok note to be about something that I addressed in an earlier entry (see Happy St. Valentines Day), but I think I am going to digress and talk about something else... Something a little bit more subtle that women do (which to me, is disrepectful) that I have encountered during the times I was single during undergrad, grad school, and even today. So to the ladies, I am just going to give you a heads up that you might not like my opinion or my position on this particular topic but at the end of MY day, when it comes to social dating, it solves more problems (for me) than it creates.
I wanted my next social dating okie-dok note to be about something that I addressed in an earlier entry (see Happy St. Valentines Day), but I think I am going to digress and talk about something else... Something a little bit more subtle that women do (which to me, is disrepectful) that I have encountered during the times I was single during undergrad, grad school, and even today. So to the ladies, I am just going to give you a heads up that you might not like my opinion or my position on this particular topic but at the end of MY day, when it comes to social dating, it solves more problems (for me) than it creates.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Happy St. Valentines Day!
Hello!
Happy St. Valentines Day.... to YOU!!!
This year, the Yankee does not have a valentine to call his own. I know, sad right? But did that stop me from spending the money I would have spent on a lucky lady on me? Nope! This yankee, treated himself to:
a manicure/pedicure - Yes I (regularly) get them and you can thank a NSBE Men's Workshop back in the day for pushing me over the edge on this one. Plus I want to test out the theory that women love men with crusty toes, heels, and crackled hands. First I will start and see how women react to the fact that I get these just to show them that I not only take care of myself, that it is the least I could do since all you ladies get your hair done, lip gloss poppin, make up, etc..., just to look attractive to the fellas. Then I will stop getting them and see how many more women are attracted to my weathered extremities.
a deep tissue massage - After doing all this weight training, the masseuse tried to murder me! okay, my shoulder muscles were really tight and knotted! but that massage was one for the ages!
a haircut - gotta get the fresh going!
a little clothes shopping! - Well, I have to get new stuff since half of my old clothes no longer fit me!
dinner! - I even took myself out to dinner.
dancing! - Thats later on tonight!
Now, did I honestly want to be alone on V-Day? Of course not! This is the first time in a very long time, I did not have a valentine. Recession or not, I would not mind treating someone who deserves it out to what I treated myself to. Of course, the key phrase here is 'someone who deserves it.' Not some gilsy who does not know how to treat a man, but a classy lady who knows how to handle herself and treat me right. My are they hard to find in the Containment Area.
Then again, I can boldly say that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of the needle than a woman out here to treat this man with the respect he has earned! I think I got that camel, eye of the needle, thing from a book somewhere.... I just can not remember where I read that! LOLOLOLOL ;-)
Later on, I went to church and spent time with one of the elders (a choir elder), getting to know her, and telling her about some of the things that I have been noticing and going through since coming here. As we talked and talked I helped her set some tables and whatever else she needed. I told this lady that 'I love chasing women... BUT I can only go so far.' That is a true statement. As a man, it is my role to come after you, but there are limits to the pursuit. I have limits not because I do not like you; of course I like you, otherwise I would not chase you, but you people (women) do things to let me know that you are not interested. So why would I continue to chase you further, make an idiot out of myself, and give you ammunition for gossip among you and your 'friends?'
That makes absolutely no sense to me. I will give you an example (this is what I told the elder). Let us say I meet a woman, and I work my charm (lol, charm), and we exchange numbers. A few days later, I call and I get the voicemail. That sucks, but I guess hearing that voice is better than no voice. So what do I do? Because I do not know you, and we made a nice connection (trust me, if we did not hit it off, I would not be calling you!), I want to keep that momentum going... So I ask you out (a fun date), because I want to spend time with you.
Why? I know nothing about you, and I am a curious person. I strive to not judge anyone I date. I know what it is like to be condemned from the very beginning (i.e. a woman told me that she would 'treat me like (such and such)' because all these other guys did x-y-z to her and it was most likely that I would do the same)
I told the elder that when women do not respond, that it is worse than a 'no,' and at that point, there is not much I can do! The chase is over, why beat a dead horse? She did not want to spend time with me, and I am not going to torture myself and try to ask her out again! Yes I want a meaningful relationship with a quality woman, but not at the cost of losing my hard-earned dignity in my sea of humility. The only thing left for me to do at that point is to delete the phone number, and move on.
I hope this answers any questions regarding if I am a 'player' or not.
I told her that I would rather get hurt by a thousand women once, than get hurt by one woman twice. As I was walking her to her car and opening her door, she looked at me, smiled, and said, "They do not make young adults like they used to. You are very well grounded for your age. How old are your parents?" When I told her that they were both born before the 1950's, she said "That explains everything, how you were raised, how you treat people, and how you expect to be treated back." She also told me to not give up, and that someone 'of worth' will see 'my worth.'
I concur! Happy St. Valentines Day, Elder!
Happy St. Valentines Day.... to YOU!!!
This year, the Yankee does not have a valentine to call his own. I know, sad right? But did that stop me from spending the money I would have spent on a lucky lady on me? Nope! This yankee, treated himself to:
a manicure/pedicure - Yes I (regularly) get them and you can thank a NSBE Men's Workshop back in the day for pushing me over the edge on this one. Plus I want to test out the theory that women love men with crusty toes, heels, and crackled hands. First I will start and see how women react to the fact that I get these just to show them that I not only take care of myself, that it is the least I could do since all you ladies get your hair done, lip gloss poppin, make up, etc..., just to look attractive to the fellas. Then I will stop getting them and see how many more women are attracted to my weathered extremities.
a deep tissue massage - After doing all this weight training, the masseuse tried to murder me! okay, my shoulder muscles were really tight and knotted! but that massage was one for the ages!
a haircut - gotta get the fresh going!
a little clothes shopping! - Well, I have to get new stuff since half of my old clothes no longer fit me!
dinner! - I even took myself out to dinner.
dancing! - Thats later on tonight!
Now, did I honestly want to be alone on V-Day? Of course not! This is the first time in a very long time, I did not have a valentine. Recession or not, I would not mind treating someone who deserves it out to what I treated myself to. Of course, the key phrase here is 'someone who deserves it.' Not some gilsy who does not know how to treat a man, but a classy lady who knows how to handle herself and treat me right. My are they hard to find in the Containment Area.
Then again, I can boldly say that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of the needle than a woman out here to treat this man with the respect he has earned! I think I got that camel, eye of the needle, thing from a book somewhere.... I just can not remember where I read that! LOLOLOLOL ;-)
Later on, I went to church and spent time with one of the elders (a choir elder), getting to know her, and telling her about some of the things that I have been noticing and going through since coming here. As we talked and talked I helped her set some tables and whatever else she needed. I told this lady that 'I love chasing women... BUT I can only go so far.' That is a true statement. As a man, it is my role to come after you, but there are limits to the pursuit. I have limits not because I do not like you; of course I like you, otherwise I would not chase you, but you people (women) do things to let me know that you are not interested. So why would I continue to chase you further, make an idiot out of myself, and give you ammunition for gossip among you and your 'friends?'
That makes absolutely no sense to me. I will give you an example (this is what I told the elder). Let us say I meet a woman, and I work my charm (lol, charm), and we exchange numbers. A few days later, I call and I get the voicemail. That sucks, but I guess hearing that voice is better than no voice. So what do I do? Because I do not know you, and we made a nice connection (trust me, if we did not hit it off, I would not be calling you!), I want to keep that momentum going... So I ask you out (a fun date), because I want to spend time with you.
Why? I know nothing about you, and I am a curious person. I strive to not judge anyone I date. I know what it is like to be condemned from the very beginning (i.e. a woman told me that she would 'treat me like (such and such)' because all these other guys did x-y-z to her and it was most likely that I would do the same)
You could be the greatest woman to have ever walked into my life, or you could be the next sex-starved convict waiting to make 'unwanted sexual advances' towards me ;-) Either way, your actions (or inactions) dictates my responses.
Lets sidebar for a second since I am an Engineer:
***Start of sidebar***
24 hrs = 1 day
2 hrs = 8.33% of your 24 hour day
24 * 7 = 168 = hours in a week.
2 hrs = 1.19% of your week (less than 2% of your week)
***End of sidebar***
And after I chase you (once), call you (once), leave a message (once)....... drumroll please......
Nothing happens!
No call back...
Not even a text message (as shallow as txt messaging is when someone CALLED you)...
Nothing.
This is an okie-dok, and I will address it in further detail in my next Social Dating Note (because I know you love em!), but if there was no response, no matter how which way you want to slice this (and I love it when people make all the excuses in the world, but the bottom line is what I am about to say next):
I was not worth a 30 second call from the lady to tell me, yes or no, period. To me, you were worth me making an honest attempt of trying to get to know you, by calling you and trying to spend time with you.
So not only was I not worth a 30 second call back to tell me yes or no. To this person, I was also not worth:
2 hours (8.33% of one of her 'days') or (it gets even better)
2 hours (1.19% of her 'week.')
Math is so powerful! I was not even worth less than 2% of her time.
You are essentially telling this brotha who has all the tools to make a great life for himself (education, religious foundation, home training, career oriented, successful, pays his own bills, etc.. etc...) who would love to celebrate his success with you, that I was not worth 30 seconds out of your time to tell me yes or no.
***Sidebar 2
As an exercise calculate the percentage 30 seconds constitutes to your day, and repeat for a week. You will find that-that number is very small.
Your final answer should be in the following form: 30 s = (some percent) of 1 day or (another percent) of 1 week.
They should be VERY small percents!
***End of Sidebar 2
Guess what ELSE-YOU are essentially telling this brotha: I am not worth spending less than 2% of your time out of your week with. To the players of the world, they will keep trying, they will pursue, pursue, and pursue further thinking you are playing hard-to-get when essentially slapped them in the face (and you do this to the good ones too that are not trying to play you).
Lets sidebar for a second since I am an Engineer:
***Start of sidebar***
24 hrs = 1 day
2 hrs = 8.33% of your 24 hour day
24 * 7 = 168 = hours in a week.
2 hrs = 1.19% of your week (less than 2% of your week)
***End of sidebar***
And after I chase you (once), call you (once), leave a message (once)....... drumroll please......
Nothing happens!
No call back...
Not even a text message (as shallow as txt messaging is when someone CALLED you)...
Nothing.
This is an okie-dok, and I will address it in further detail in my next Social Dating Note (because I know you love em!), but if there was no response, no matter how which way you want to slice this (and I love it when people make all the excuses in the world, but the bottom line is what I am about to say next):
I was not worth a 30 second call from the lady to tell me, yes or no, period. To me, you were worth me making an honest attempt of trying to get to know you, by calling you and trying to spend time with you.
So not only was I not worth a 30 second call back to tell me yes or no. To this person, I was also not worth:
2 hours (8.33% of one of her 'days') or (it gets even better)
2 hours (1.19% of her 'week.')
Math is so powerful! I was not even worth less than 2% of her time.
You are essentially telling this brotha who has all the tools to make a great life for himself (education, religious foundation, home training, career oriented, successful, pays his own bills, etc.. etc...) who would love to celebrate his success with you, that I was not worth 30 seconds out of your time to tell me yes or no.
***Sidebar 2
As an exercise calculate the percentage 30 seconds constitutes to your day, and repeat for a week. You will find that-that number is very small.
Your final answer should be in the following form: 30 s = (some percent) of 1 day or (another percent) of 1 week.
They should be VERY small percents!
***End of Sidebar 2
Guess what ELSE-YOU are essentially telling this brotha: I am not worth spending less than 2% of your time out of your week with. To the players of the world, they will keep trying, they will pursue, pursue, and pursue further thinking you are playing hard-to-get when essentially slapped them in the face (and you do this to the good ones too that are not trying to play you).
To me, that was a slap in the face, and I do not like getting hit! So Guess what? If I was not even worth a response, or 2 hours of your 168 hour week at that point in time, what makes ME think that I will be worth 4 hours? 8 hours, 1 week (that is a vacation we could take together), 1 year (that is a relationship), 20, 30, 40 years (in a marriage) in YOUR world, in the future?
I told the elder that when women do not respond, that it is worse than a 'no,' and at that point, there is not much I can do! The chase is over, why beat a dead horse? She did not want to spend time with me, and I am not going to torture myself and try to ask her out again! Yes I want a meaningful relationship with a quality woman, but not at the cost of losing my hard-earned dignity in my sea of humility. The only thing left for me to do at that point is to delete the phone number, and move on.
I hope this answers any questions regarding if I am a 'player' or not.
I told her that I would rather get hurt by a thousand women once, than get hurt by one woman twice. As I was walking her to her car and opening her door, she looked at me, smiled, and said, "They do not make young adults like they used to. You are very well grounded for your age. How old are your parents?" When I told her that they were both born before the 1950's, she said "That explains everything, how you were raised, how you treat people, and how you expect to be treated back." She also told me to not give up, and that someone 'of worth' will see 'my worth.'
I concur! Happy St. Valentines Day, Elder!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Double Duty Part 2
Well, I was supposed to write 2 entries on Saturday, but I did not get the chance to since I was running around getting ready for this Med School Prom thing. So I guess I will write two entries today! One for yesterday, and one for today! YaY!
So I have a friend from church who invited me to come along with her and her friends to some event called a Medical School Prom. Some kind of formal, similar to the formal parties (lol, formal, more like house!) that E-Council officially/unofficially promoted during the OSU years, or like the Viterbi Ball during the Southern Cal years. A once-a-year event where people got together, partied, drink, etc... So I meet up with her friends, and go out to eat dinner, and then went to another house before going to the prom. She then introduced me to some of the coolest caucasian ladies I have ever met in a very-very long time. I am giving them all shout outs (and I hope my friend from church lets them know of this entry) because they were:
- Mad cool!
- Easygoing
- Great to talk to
- Did not give me any negative vibes
- Did not make me feel like they thought I was 'nothing' to them since I was not a med school student (unfortunately, I have encountered that, but not from them).
Oh and get this... During The Prom... They.... Even.... DANCED WITH ME!
One of them even told me about "Chapel Hill Women." And explained to me how there is some ratio imbalance of men-to-women, and how the men, as this one lady explained, treated the women, "like dicks." I am not sure if it applied to her ethnic group or women in general, but if that is true, it could explain some (not all) of the classless behavior I have been encountering since setting foot in this area months ago. Especially from those who went to school in this area.
My personal view on the matter is this: Though you were mistreated, it is still no excuse for how you behave towards the new people you meet in your life. Do not penalize me for the actions of others. They are not the sole representatives of the gender.
Lord help me, if I ever adopt that type of mentality.
The person who told me about "Chapel Hill Women" was one of the mad-cool white girls that I met that night. She even told me what kind of doctors I need to start seeing now that I am in the real world and living my life.
When all of us went to the prom, we had fun. We all drank and danced. And when I danced with one of them, she held her own, and she was not afraid to dance with this yankee! Thats what I am talking about! Talk, chat, drink, dance, have fun, make no conclusions about the other person, learn something new. I hope all of us get a chance to hang out again.
Sistas at the Med School Prom on the other hand... D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-T Story...
With the exception of the sistas that came from our group, and another sista that I knew from a friend of mine years ago... The phrase "You cant even touch them with a 10 foot pole" now has new meaning. I tried to talk to a couple of them, and they were not even interested in meeting me. It was sad. I even tried to dance with two of them and they were not having it. It was not like I was trying to my grind on... I even politely explained to one who was supposedly out on a date that one dance is not going to change the fact that she will not go home with her date at the end of the night. She was very attractive, at first. Not anymore, to me. No real explanation as to why, but even when I tried to strike conversation, they were looking away, distracted, not smiling, I mean, goodness. Not looking good!
I am also beginning to notice a very alarming ethnic role-reversal. Let me explain. It is no surprise that the Yankee is multi-ethnic. I would like to think that I have the best of all worlds ;-). Anyways. Socially speaking, growing up...
The sistas were VERY kind to me. They kept me going. They motivated me. They saw the spark in me. Hey, I was very smart for my age (started school early!), and going though school, they saw that. They respected me. My first kiss was from a sista. All of my relationships so far, have been with sistas.
White and Asian girls back then... Not so nice. They talked about me, they cracked on my sisters, out of jealousy. They have systematically 'done things' to make me feel excluded. They have done the same to my sisters out of jealous hatred. And they were not afraid to attempt to let their white and asian boys at the time, try to show me 'how the world works.'
Lets just say that I have never lost a fight to ANY of them! And I will leave it at that.
Fast forward to the social scene, present day.
White and Asian ladies now... My how it is way easier to talk to these groups. Now they are the ones showing me a lot of love! When I talk to them, they engage me. They are showing their down-to-earthness. They laugh with me, they drink with me, they have fun with me, and they even dance with me. They are showing me a newfound respect that I have never seen before, not even in childhood. I do not know the source of their newfound attraction towards me, but I know that I respected them back when they hated me, and I respect them now.
Just because the white and asian girls back then treated me like a second-class citizen does not reflect or represent the entire group. And I am not going to penalize future white/asian women who come into my life because of the dumb actions of a pathetic few.
Sistas now (Containment area, and general area)... Not So Nice. Again, socially speaking, of course. The ones I have encountered have already made up their minds about me. It looks as if I keep meeting the wrong ones. So far, either they have given me their (wrong) number, stood me up on dates, broken dates (which I do not tolerate), do not want to dance or drink with me, never respond to a voicemail (after a failed attempt to call to talk to them), the list of charges goes on.
This was unheard of in Los Angeles, and Columbus! As materialistic as Hollywood may seem and as Midwest as Columbus could be, the sistas there knew what they had and though some of them disrespected me, it was not as many and it was not to the extent of the classlessness I have encountered from the sistas in this area.
Just because I am running into the wrong ones now, does not mean I am going to penalize the next sista I meet and welcome into my life. She has done nothing to deserve anything less than my personal best. And I remember how sistas treated me growing up. It goes a long way in this yankee's life!
It would be a sad day in the development of this human being when I begin to penalize the women I meet because of a pathetic few. I refuse to believe that the way mom and dad brought me up no longer applies to this world. I must stick to these ideals. They make me who I am. It forges my actions, and reflects my character.
I just wish the right ones see that.
These are the words of an educated yankee!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Okay, What is up with this 25 Random Things on Facebook!?!
Yo!
You have no idea how many people tagged me in this "25 Random Things" On Facebook. I personally think it is a virus! ;-) Do not get me wrong, my peoples, I absolutely LOVE telling people facts about me..... I just like doing it in person. Because my new years resolution included blogging everyday, I do not consider it a "fact about me" session. I talk about everything pertinent to my world! "Anywho" I do not like divulging information that easily just for anyone to see. I need some level of trust first (why do you think I do not talk about people by name, or directly name places I have been etc...).
Look, if you are one of my best friends, you already know a lot about me. I would actually have to work hard to find 25 new things that you may or may not already know.
If are someone that I befriended on Facebook, but we do not have that close connection (I mean, yea we might have met during undergrad/grad school once or twice and maybe hung out once, but thats about it.......), and you REALLY want to have one with me, depending on your gender here are some things you can try:
Male: Hang out with ya boi! FOOTBAL!!! Basketball, baseball, bowling, bible study, trip to the bar (a drunk man tells no tales), invite me to a sunday/monday/tuesday/wednesday/thursday/friday/saturday night football event, poker night, etc... You want to know 25 random things, you will know them then! And we will have fun discussing women and flirting with them...
I know... I am such a guy... DuH!!!
Female: Go out on a date and spend time with me! Although that is all you have to do, be respectful in how you treat our time together. The more time you spend with me, the more you will know... You might just actually start to like me! Telling you stuff on facebook, myspace, gchat, email, txt msg is too easy and not worthy of my energy. I would rather you ask me in person (after I offer a date, and you agree!) and find out with you on one side, and me on the other looking into those beautiful eyes of yours and smiling, all the while, having good conversation and fun.
Or you can go through this blog and find 25 things about me you may or may not have known about...
Thursday, January 29, 2009
The Possible Date Disorder
Well, since my earlier post on "The Broken Date Syndrome" was quite a hit, some people were wondering, "well geez yankee, you said one of MANY, keep on going I want to know more."
Surprisingly, though I addressed the post to the brothas (my homies), this request for more okie-doks are coming from the women. I do not know if they are trying to use this to rate themselves or to see whether or not I am just some fella thats just 'stuck on himself,' stuck up, or a woman-hater (which I am definitely NOT!)
So peoples, here is another okie-dok I do not put up with.
Okie-Dok #2: Man asks lady out on a date, and lady answers with "maybe."
So you ask a lady out on a date, you give her a date, a time, and location because:
1. She is fine as hell.
2. You want to spend a little time with her.
3. You want to get to know her a little better.
(now fellas, if you have other reasons, feel free to list them in your head, these are the yankee's top three, okay, well only three!)
These are the basic building blocks for a date. Call it whatever you want, or whatever is the most socially acceptable vernacular term for your ethnic group.
(i.e. some ethnic groups call it "hangin' out" or 'chillin')
So how does she respond? By saying a statement like the following:
"Can I get back to you?"
"Can I call you back tomorrow?"
"Can you call me back in a few days?"
"I need to check my calendar. I'll tell you what, I will call you back tomorrow and let you know."
and my personal favorite: "Call me on --such and such date-- so I don't forget."
There are other variants to the same response but I think you understand where I am going with this. So why is this an okie-dok?
This is an okie-dok because the lady could not give a straight answer, leaves the guy hanging, and expects him to wait on her decision. Unfortunately, many fellas do. Not me though...
Once again, the guy gave the lady three things:
- A day of the week.
- A time during that day of the week.
- A location.
Think of it how business executives look at making corporate decisions. If you are given all the information to make a sound, informed, and quick judgment call, you make the call! Usually the definitive choices are 'yes' and 'no,' and if you can not commit to the proposal, but can not walk away from it either, you compromise, counter-offer, renegotiate, and contribute to a win-win scenario.
Once person A makes the initial offer, and it is complete, person B needs to have a definitive answer.
But this is not what happens in this case. Again, the lady left the guy hanging, but wants to string him along for an emotional ride.
"I may or may not be able to do it, but let me get back to you and I'll let you know," and the fella plays the waiting game.
In the social dating world, this ailment is called the Possible Date Disorder, or PDD. Just like the Broken Date Syndrome, It is not cultural, racial, gender, creed, profession, or age specific! Symptoms include indecisiveness from one party to the other, false hope, and fluctuating emotions.
So I know a lot of guys say, "Well maybe yea Yankee, she might have forgot, people are busy you know, I would have called her to see what happened."
To the fellas (and my male friends), I say, go ahead, I will not (I was not raised to do that), but you do that. And while you are doing that, here are some possible end-case scenarios for you to consider...
Possible end scenario 1: Man accepts possible-date, waits for call, never gets call, man calls woman to see what happened.
-- You are one desperate person if you call her at all after you offered to take her out on a date and she played you like that. Do not settle for someone that can not work with you, or give you a definitive answer.
Possible end scenario 2: Man accepts possible-date, gets call back tomorrow, but she can not go and turns you down.
-- This means that she wants YOU to wait on her to tell you No. By falling for this trap, she made you wait to get rejected.
Possible end scenario 3: Man accepts possible-date, guy calls girl on day of date, and can not get a hold of her.
-- Hmm, can not get a hold of the lady you are trying to take out... So you end up calling and calling and calling, and no answer. This can happen fellas, and to some of my friends, it has happened. She basically forgot about you, and you are dateless, once again.
Possible end scenario 4: Man accepts possible-date, guy calls girl on day of date, and she says that she 'forgot.'
--This basically means you were not worth remembering, and she most likely have made other plans with someone else, see scenario 3.
There are other end scenario's with the vast majority of them not in the guy's favor. It is extremely rare to have a successful date if she does not give you a yes or no answer or does not try to reach some sort of compromise (will talk about this at another time). So what is this relocated yankee's stance on the 'possible-date':
When this Yankee offers a date, and the lady in question responds with a 'maybe,' answer, it is translated as a 'no,' PERIOD.
When I offer to take a woman out on a date, and she answers with "maybe," I let her take all the time she needs. By the time she calls me back, if she ever calls me back, I would have made other plans (do not test me on this). If you fall for that okie-dok, you are purposely waiting on her. You are putting a lot up-front without any guarantee of a return, by blocking that time out just for her (she did not do the same for you) with the hope that she will call you back to accept. Most of the time it does not happen. Never put all your dating eggs in one basket. If she gives you the okie-dok, find another woman that will say yes (or no), or make plans with your homies, or do something yourself, either way, you stay busy.
Now I know you would rather spend your time with the maybe girl (because she is hotter than the barrel of Dick Cheney's gun), but you maybe want to consider the fact that waiting on indecisive women and reacting to their indecisiveness (by following up on them, checking up, calling to see what happened etc...), says a lot about YOU in a negative way. It shows a lack of confidence on the guy's part, and a lack of self control.
The chances the 'maybe' girl's number is still in my phonebook is basically zero.
So why is this my stance? Because it does not allow me to get hurt, and I refuse to be hurt by some woman I just met. It also allows me to be fair to other women with potential by offering them a date instead. Indecisive Ladies: if you see a good thing in front of you and you pass up the opportunity to get to know a great guy, the decisive ladies will be more than happy to take that opportunity away from you!
If I have to choose between a woman that can not make up her mind versus a woman that can, there is no choice!
Also take this statement to heart: I have more respect for women that turn me down with a 'no' than those who respond with a 'maybe.'
Most likely I will not keep that woman's number either but at least I will still respect her.
Time is precious, and a woman who has respect for a man's time will not keep him hanging. Classy women keep dates, or work with the man to make a date a reality, or tell him 'no' but she will never give him an ambiguous answer.
She will tell him yes, no, or 'yes, but at another time, place, and location.'
Now, that third option represents the building blocks for a (true) compromise. I will write more about social dating compromises another time, but the okie-dok in this case was conveyed well enough.
Choir Pracice time!
Surprisingly, though I addressed the post to the brothas (my homies), this request for more okie-doks are coming from the women. I do not know if they are trying to use this to rate themselves or to see whether or not I am just some fella thats just 'stuck on himself,' stuck up, or a woman-hater (which I am definitely NOT!)
So peoples, here is another okie-dok I do not put up with.
Okie-Dok #2: Man asks lady out on a date, and lady answers with "maybe."
So you ask a lady out on a date, you give her a date, a time, and location because:
1. She is fine as hell.
2. You want to spend a little time with her.
3. You want to get to know her a little better.
(now fellas, if you have other reasons, feel free to list them in your head, these are the yankee's top three, okay, well only three!)
These are the basic building blocks for a date. Call it whatever you want, or whatever is the most socially acceptable vernacular term for your ethnic group.
(i.e. some ethnic groups call it "hangin' out" or 'chillin')
So how does she respond? By saying a statement like the following:
"Can I get back to you?"
"Can I call you back tomorrow?"
"Can you call me back in a few days?"
"I need to check my calendar. I'll tell you what, I will call you back tomorrow and let you know."
and my personal favorite: "Call me on --such and such date--
There are other variants to the same response but I think you understand where I am going with this. So why is this an okie-dok?
This is an okie-dok because the lady could not give a straight answer, leaves the guy hanging, and expects him to wait on her decision. Unfortunately, many fellas do. Not me though...
Once again, the guy gave the lady three things:
- A day of the week.
- A time during that day of the week.
- A location.
Think of it how business executives look at making corporate decisions. If you are given all the information to make a sound, informed, and quick judgment call, you make the call! Usually the definitive choices are 'yes' and 'no,' and if you can not commit to the proposal, but can not walk away from it either, you compromise, counter-offer, renegotiate, and contribute to a win-win scenario.
Once person A makes the initial offer, and it is complete, person B needs to have a definitive answer.
But this is not what happens in this case. Again, the lady left the guy hanging, but wants to string him along for an emotional ride.
"I may or may not be able to do it, but let me get back to you and I'll let you know," and the fella plays the waiting game.
In the social dating world, this ailment is called the Possible Date Disorder, or PDD. Just like the Broken Date Syndrome, It is not cultural, racial, gender, creed, profession, or age specific! Symptoms include indecisiveness from one party to the other, false hope, and fluctuating emotions.
So I know a lot of guys say, "Well maybe yea Yankee, she might have forgot, people are busy you know, I would have called her to see what happened."
To the fellas (and my male friends), I say, go ahead, I will not (I was not raised to do that), but you do that. And while you are doing that, here are some possible end-case scenarios for you to consider...
Possible end scenario 1: Man accepts possible-date, waits for call, never gets call, man calls woman to see what happened.
-- You are one desperate person if you call her at all after you offered to take her out on a date and she played you like that. Do not settle for someone that can not work with you, or give you a definitive answer.
Possible end scenario 2: Man accepts possible-date, gets call back tomorrow, but she can not go and turns you down.
-- This means that she wants YOU to wait on her to tell you No. By falling for this trap, she made you wait to get rejected.
Possible end scenario 3: Man accepts possible-date, guy calls girl on day of date, and can not get a hold of her.
-- Hmm, can not get a hold of the lady you are trying to take out... So you end up calling and calling and calling, and no answer. This can happen fellas, and to some of my friends, it has happened. She basically forgot about you, and you are dateless, once again.
Possible end scenario 4: Man accepts possible-date, guy calls girl on day of date, and she says that she 'forgot.'
--This basically means you were not worth remembering, and she most likely have made other plans with someone else, see scenario 3.
There are other end scenario's with the vast majority of them not in the guy's favor. It is extremely rare to have a successful date if she does not give you a yes or no answer or does not try to reach some sort of compromise (will talk about this at another time). So what is this relocated yankee's stance on the 'possible-date':
When this Yankee offers a date, and the lady in question responds with a 'maybe,' answer, it is translated as a 'no,' PERIOD.
When I offer to take a woman out on a date, and she answers with "maybe," I let her take all the time she needs. By the time she calls me back, if she ever calls me back, I would have made other plans (do not test me on this). If you fall for that okie-dok, you are purposely waiting on her. You are putting a lot up-front without any guarantee of a return, by blocking that time out just for her (she did not do the same for you) with the hope that she will call you back to accept. Most of the time it does not happen. Never put all your dating eggs in one basket. If she gives you the okie-dok, find another woman that will say yes (or no), or make plans with your homies, or do something yourself, either way, you stay busy.
A decisive man will always be better off with a decisive woman, case closed. So if you are a decisive man, and you meet an indecisive woman, you now know that she needs to do a little more growing up, but it is something she has to do on her own.
So why is this my stance? Because it does not allow me to get hurt, and I refuse to be hurt by some woman I just met. It also allows me to be fair to other women with potential by offering them a date instead. Indecisive Ladies: if you see a good thing in front of you and you pass up the opportunity to get to know a great guy, the decisive ladies will be more than happy to take that opportunity away from you!
Time is precious, and a woman who has respect for a man's time will not keep him hanging. Classy women keep dates, or work with the man to make a date a reality, or tell him 'no' but she will never give him an ambiguous answer.
Now, that third option represents the building blocks for a (true) compromise. I will write more about social dating compromises another time, but the okie-dok in this case was conveyed well enough.
Choir Pracice time!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
A Big Surprise from Big Brother!
Oh Wow!
I was going to make this blog a joint posting about my encounter with my brother and his wife, and another dating okie-dok, but I am going to have to set aside the okie-dok for another day!
So it is not often that I see my older brother. So I was extremely elated that he was in the area along with his wife. We finally got reunited and we dined at a nice Italian restaurant. We both had a lot of news to tell each other. On my end, I told him and his wife, that I will be a home owner this year! So my brother, also a realtor was giving me tips and pointers on how to negotiate some of the things I may want in my home. Great advice! We also talked about what was going on back in the North with family... The good, bad, and ugly. It was a necessary conversation.
But after that, they told me the most exciting news! They are moving... to...
C-H-A-R-L-O-T-T-E
Charlotte, North Carolina! Can you believe it!?!?!?!?!?! More family coming to the region! I will be honest with you, when I first moved to the Containment Area, I did not know of any family that existed here. Oh I had a couple of friends from Undergrad that were here, but I hardly saw any of them. And since I was starting over on the social front, the dating list was pretty slim. Then a couple of months later, I received news that my (step)sister lives in North Carolina, and has children my age here! At that point, I did not feel as alone as I used to. We reunited for the first time, and it was enough to make a grown man cry (and yes, I did cry).
And now this!?! I have a MAJOR reason to go to Charlotte now, well, when they finally move there. I can just see us going to Panther and Bobcat games, and having a blast. This changes a lot of things!
So from dinner, my brother, his wife, and I talked about my activities, everything from sports, to dancing, to even singing. But they were more interested in my dating life and were shocked when I told them about my adventures here and how socially, it is not panning out so well. I would tell them how some of my interactions went, what they (the ladies) would do (the okie-doks), and how I responded to those situations. They were very disappointed........ in the ladies. I wish some of you could have been there to hear me describe a lot of what I have been encountering. To summarize, as a young and humble, early-career, educated man, who can maintain himself, I am not respected, seen as the husband-type, or worth a their time.
If you want an abridged version of that summary, read only the bold words!
They are so used to losing, they do not even realize when they have won.
So I told my brother and his wife that all I can do is keep going, smiling, meet new people, and treat them all the same: with class, dignity, and respect, for that was how I was raised. However, I allow every lady I meet to give me a reason for no longer pursuing them, and they have been more than generous in that department. Once I have the reason, I take no further action on that particular lady, and move on. It is the most respectful, and classy thing to do. Like I mentioned in an earlier post... GREAT home training, Mom and Dad did their thing in raising me! It is amazing how many t-bills, savings bonds, mutual funds, stocks, and commodities you can save by not falling for the 'okie-dok.' Trust me... I have saved so much I can afford a house! Where do you think my down-payment came from ;-)
Okie-dok #2 tomorrow! I promise!!! Have a blessed night!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
An Unexpected Surprise...
Well, as you may or may not know, today, a lot of jobs got slashed from many companies across the country. You can go to CNN.COM and then click on the business link(s) to see all those gory details. If you are concerned about this yankee, well fear not. I was not affected. I can only thank God for this blessing. America is going through some tough times, and I fear that it will get worse before it gets better.
Well, today I received the most wonderful news! My brother called me and told me that he was in town! So tomorrow, my brother, his wife, and I will be enjoying dinner somewhere... I do not know where yet.
Tomorrow, I will talk about my brothers visit, and then I will give my fellow yankee readers another dating "okie-dok" to be aware of.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
A Theory as to why God led me to the Containment Area (Part I)
Today was a normal, not too exciting, but not too boring day. I pretty much followed my new "old" schedule to the letter, except for the working out part (Only train on M,W,F). Choir practice was pretty normal, but afterwards, I sat in the pew and just started thinking.
Just thinking...
I am here, in the Containment Area, for a reason. All the events that happened in my past (the good, bad, and ugly), shaped my life--my decisions. I do believe that I was influenced by the Almighty. I am trying to hear the silent whisper, in the midst of the wind, earthquake, and fire.
I think I am here to excel in my career. From day one, I have enjoyed working with my colleagues, even though my primary skill set is not being used (all my secondary skills are). I think that this is a humbling experience reminding me that there is more to succeeding in this profession than the specialized focus of one's graduate school study. I am seeing my field in a whole new light, and direction. I am learning things that I never learned in school (neither at Ohio St or Southern Cal) as well as becoming a better communicator and well rounded person. Sometimes I wish someone would just come to me and ask me to solve a transistor-level circuit design problem, or ask for insight on solving a real-world complex oscillator problem using the latest foundry technologies--Little stuff like that to really keep what I learned at USC in my head for as long as I possibly can. At the same time, there is something about working with and collaborating with people, that for me, gets better and better the more I am exposed to it, and the desire to enhance my resume for my eventual return to graduate school (MBA) is getting stronger and stronger.
I think I am here to find my wife. Shocking is it not!?! Nowhere near 30, but a desire for family is getting stronger. Maybe because I remember a time when my immediate family was very close-knit. But a lot has changed, and the jury is still out while trying to answer if these changes were for the better. Usually when the man marries, he leaves his family. The man and woman become one flesh (I think I read that somewhere). But a part of me feels so distant, not because I left for college, interned throughout the States, lived in California for a couple of years, and now residing in the Containment Area, but partially because the ideals that made my family a great one, seem to have gone out the window when troubled times came to 'trial' our souls. It is almost as if the family has left the man. I am not sure how to feel about that, but I know it is not a positive feeling, but one of indifference.
Still, I hold on to positive memories, but even those memories are getting old. If I want to experience new ones based off the same kind of close-knit, peaceful, Christ-centered, 'family-oriented' family that I experienced as a child, then maybe it is time for me to have one of my own.
But not yet...
When I started dating again, I am seeing a lot of things that I DO NOT LIKE when it comes to the women I have 'encounters' with. That is why I said that I think I am here to find a wife... So far from every encounter, there is something the woman does that I really do not like and it sticks out like the worst sore thumb. Like Mr. Deeds' 'foot.' I hate that, but at the same time, I also feel that it is good for me to eliminate the traits/habits I do not like. I have not had a real opportunity to do this with such scrutiny, until now.
Mom and Dad raised me well, to their credit, but they also did not raise a fool. They raised me the best way they knew how: by how they were raised, which I must say is pretty old world. They told me that the women of my day will take my rearing for granted and that they will not see my true worth, and while unfortunate, I must NOT fall into the trap of making excuses for them. "Defend ideals, not excuses," they tell me (I changed that to 'defend philosophies, not excuses') They will categorize before experiencing (me), and/or take actions whether consciously or unconsciously to undermine my opportunity to shine for them.
Such has been my experience so far. All I can do, from here on out, is to keep on going. Keep looking, keep smiling, keep living!
This entry is part of an ongoing saga. Look for Parts II, III, IIII, ....... in the days, weeks, and months ahead.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Sunday Thoughts: We Are Called!
The Road Is Rough,
And The Going Gets Tough,
And The Hills are hard to climb,
I started out, a long time ago,
There's no doubt in my mind;
I have decided, to make Jesus, my choice.
- Lyrics from "I Have Decided To Make Jesus My Choice"
So today at church, we learned that we are called by the Lord to do his will. When the Lord called out to Samuel, he thought that Eli was calling him. And after several 'callings' Eli realized that it was actually the Lord that was doing the calling. So he tells Samuel to say "Speak for your servant is listening" the next time the Lord spoke to him. And when he did, he grew.
As a Christian man, I realize that the Lord calls out to me all the time. Sometimes I hear and sometimes I do not. Sometimes when I hear, I choose to ignore. Sometimes, when I hear, I do the Lord's will. I am not a perfect man, and the only one I am aware of lived 2000 years before I was even thought of.
So I try hard to listen to the Lord, and usually he speaks to me at the oddest occasions, at the weirdest times, in the most unusual ways. Most of the time, it is not in the most obvious of places that I hear his message. Sometimes I hear it at church, sometimes I do not. Even when Elijah was told to go to the mountain and wait for the Lord, he heard the Lord's voice, in the whispering sounds, and not in the obvious: the wind, the earthquake, and the fire.
So I feel like I am called to share my gifts with others, and I have started doing that. I have a knack for photography, and my choir-mates have seen first hand some of my ability. I know a lot of math, and I have a lot of time, so I tutor and help kids. I know what it was like going through 7-12 grade struggling through math. But I have overcome those obstacles--I studied in a major that is extremely math-intensive. It is an edge I do not want to relinquish. The best way to maintain is to continually exercise. therefore, when I get new tutoring clients, I am keeping my skills fresh.
Socially (dating-wise), I have PLENTY of gifts and talents ;-) but I must be careful when it comes to sharing those gifts.
And The Going Gets Tough,
And The Hills are hard to climb,
I started out, a long time ago,
There's no doubt in my mind;
I have decided, to make Jesus, my choice.
- Lyrics from "I Have Decided To Make Jesus My Choice"
So today at church, we learned that we are called by the Lord to do his will. When the Lord called out to Samuel, he thought that Eli was calling him. And after several 'callings' Eli realized that it was actually the Lord that was doing the calling. So he tells Samuel to say "Speak for your servant is listening" the next time the Lord spoke to him. And when he did, he grew.
As a Christian man, I realize that the Lord calls out to me all the time. Sometimes I hear and sometimes I do not. Sometimes when I hear, I choose to ignore. Sometimes, when I hear, I do the Lord's will. I am not a perfect man, and the only one I am aware of lived 2000 years before I was even thought of.
So I try hard to listen to the Lord, and usually he speaks to me at the oddest occasions, at the weirdest times, in the most unusual ways. Most of the time, it is not in the most obvious of places that I hear his message. Sometimes I hear it at church, sometimes I do not. Even when Elijah was told to go to the mountain and wait for the Lord, he heard the Lord's voice, in the whispering sounds, and not in the obvious: the wind, the earthquake, and the fire.
So I feel like I am called to share my gifts with others, and I have started doing that. I have a knack for photography, and my choir-mates have seen first hand some of my ability. I know a lot of math, and I have a lot of time, so I tutor and help kids. I know what it was like going through 7-12 grade struggling through math. But I have overcome those obstacles--I studied in a major that is extremely math-intensive. It is an edge I do not want to relinquish. The best way to maintain is to continually exercise. therefore, when I get new tutoring clients, I am keeping my skills fresh.
Socially (dating-wise), I have PLENTY of gifts and talents ;-) but I must be careful when it comes to sharing those gifts.
The most precious and basic gift I give to every woman who walks into my life, is my time.
The most precious and basic gift a righteous woman can give me, is her time.
The most precious and basic gift a righteous woman can give me, is her time.
Trust me, it is a GREAT gift and I will treasure it!
And speaking of time. I am getting better at sharing my gift of time with members of my own family. For instance, not only did I spend time with my nieces yesterday, but I offered (and they accepted) to come with me to church today. I feel that they really enjoyed what they observed: a sense of community, family, worship, prayer, singing. One of my nieces just loved it when the choir director used the "piano" sounds on the keyboard for one of the songs. I would love for them to join me every Sunday, but I will not force them. Having family around is a true blessing. Spending quality time with your relatives is time well spent.
I feel that I am called by the Lord to share my gift of time with others. So far I have given time to church, students, (deserving) women, and family that are local as well as abroad. I have a lot of time to share with others and still have more than enough for myself.
And speaking of time. I am getting better at sharing my gift of time with members of my own family. For instance, not only did I spend time with my nieces yesterday, but I offered (and they accepted) to come with me to church today. I feel that they really enjoyed what they observed: a sense of community, family, worship, prayer, singing. One of my nieces just loved it when the choir director used the "piano" sounds on the keyboard for one of the songs. I would love for them to join me every Sunday, but I will not force them. Having family around is a true blessing. Spending quality time with your relatives is time well spent.
I feel that I am called by the Lord to share my gift of time with others. So far I have given time to church, students, (deserving) women, and family that are local as well as abroad. I have a lot of time to share with others and still have more than enough for myself.
I will always look for new ways to use it constructively.
Bedtime now. Good night!
Bedtime now. Good night!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The Broken Date Syndrome
Another Sunday, here and gone. It would have been a routine Sunday, except someone from church asked me if I had made any new friends since my arrival, and by new friends, new 'lady' friends. I had to carefully explain my dating philosophy, and it nearly erupted into a 10 minute conversation (I had this person rollin'). So I basically told this young adult that I am not the type of man that falls for a lot of these ladies "okie dok's." Here is one of many (and there are MANY!!!) I do not put up with. I will try to keep it general, even though I can attest to what I am about to write from personal experience.
- Lady 'communicates' to man that a date previously arranged from the man needs to be rescheduled.
I want you to pay very close attention to that okie dok. Because from that one, you can deduct a lot of things.
First, the man wants to spend time with this woman. At some point in time, they met, maybe exchanged numbers, and calls her up to take her out on a date. So he gives her 3 things:
- A day of the week
- A time during that day of the week
- A location
It was something that the lady committed to. Then out of the blue, she communicates that they (or we) need to reschedule. This could take place in the form of a voicemail, a text message, an email... Why is this an okie-dok?
This is an okie-dok because she left it very open ended.
Yes, the guy gave the lady 3 things, but all she said was, "we gotta do this another time." Whatever the reason, she kept it very general, and did not give the guy any details as to what this 'another time' entails. Even if she did give an explanation, but in the end does not try to make up for a commitment she broke, that man really needs to ask himself if that is the type of woman he wants in his life.
Hint (fellas): if she can not honor a commitment to a 1-2 hr outing with YOU, what makes YOU think she can commit to something more?
In the social world, this illness is called The Broken Date Syndrome. It is not cultural, racial, gender, creed, or age specific! It is the culmination of a lack of integrity from one person to another. And fellas, if you just met that hottie, and she proves that she has this illness, then you need to drop her and move on.
So what is this Relocated Yankee's stance on The Broken Date Syndrome?
Women who commit, then break a date with me, without trying to make up for it right then and there when they commit the act do not last long in my phone book, or in my personal life.
Adopting this hard line stance has prevented more problems than it created because I am a quality man and I want quality relationships with quality women. Next to physically striking me, breaking a date is the most disrespectful thing a woman can do not only to me, but to any man. It shows immaturity, a lack of judgment, and no integrity on her part.
We are no longer children. When you break something, you fix it. When we were children, and we broke the cookie jar, our parents fixed it for us (after a nice tail beating!). We are adults now, if we break something at this point in time, is mom and dad going to come to your rescue? For most mature adults, the answer will be no. So, like I said, if you break it, you fix it.
When you have this knowledge and apply it in "the field" it sucks when you get that call from that lady that says she needs to cancel or reschedule, and all you hear after those words are the sounds of crickets... You want to give her some hints so badly as to what SHE needs to do (after all she's fine as hell! everything about her turns you on), but you can not. This is her moment. This is her chance to show you if she is worth pursuing further... Fellas, if she offers to make it up to you, AND she gives you a date, place, and time, keep her, because that is what you gave her, she realizes this, wants to spend time with you, and wants to make you feel that your effort to spend time with her was well received. If she breaks, and does not give you those three specific items (yes, she must give you all three, on her own, you can not help her at this point), my recommendation would be to politely end the conversation as you see fit, hang up the phone, delete the phone number, and move on.
For you deserve better. Keep searching for your Queen!
Good Night!
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